


Smile Again

by orphan_account



Series: Of Lyrics and Melodies [1]
Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-02
Updated: 2014-08-02
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:47:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2063463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three times Taehyun cries and one time he doesn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smile Again

**I.**

"Taehyun-ssi?" Seungyoon peeks his head into the newest member’s room. He bites his tongue to keep from yawning.

He had wanted to get some rest, but the soft hum from Jinwoo’s drama marathon on his laptop had kept him up for hours (and he didn’t have the heart to tell his sweet hyung to stop— the elder deserved time to unwind). The evil mother-in-law (they always ended up being evil) walked in on the young couple holding hands. Cue dramatic camera angles and the most popular OST of the series. The episode ended. Jinwoo huffed softly and shut the laptop. He’d have to wait until next week to find out what sort of threat the mother-in-law would give.

Seungyoon sighed quietly in relief, eager to get some sleep (he wondered if the other boys — Teddie, Hanbin, Jiwon, and Jinhwan — were fast asleep on the other side of the hall). And that’s when he heard sniffling from the room next to his.

Taehyun looks up, quickly bringing his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes. “Oh…Seungyoon-ssi. You couldn’t sleep either?” His voice is quieter than usual, almost inaudible. He would probably break if he were any louder.

He’s only known Taehyun for a month, give or take, and the boy had diva-like air (Hanbin's words, not his), a cold, though polite, demeanor. Seeing him with red-rimmed eyes and tear stains on his cheeks was...unsettling. “Yeah,” he whispers, because a fib never hurt anyone. “Keep me company?”

Taehyun nods and soon they’re settled on Seungyoon’s bed, a respectable distance away from each other, scrolling though the short list of movies Seungyoon has.

 _Sunny_. The decide to watch _Sunny_ , even though Seungyoon’s seen it before and the ending may or may not have made his eyes water. It’s a movie about friendship and fitting in, and Seungyoon supposes it’s appropriate.

He wants to know why Taehyun was crying, why he doesn’t talk to the other trainees that much, why he stays quiet during lunch. He wants to know what Taehyun’s tattoos say, why he got them. He wants to know about Taehyun’s family, about his school, why he wants to be a singer.

But when the grandmother on screen says “ _whistledickin’ shit_ ”, Taehyun cracks a smile, chuckles a little, even. The sadness in his eyes are gone and have been replaced with serenity.

And that’s good enough, for now.

When  Seungyoon wakes up, Taehyun’s head is on his shoulder — it must have slid into place over night, because Taehyun would never willingly show skinship like that — and the screensaver from Seungyoon’s laptop reflects on his face, shades of orange and red dancing across his skin like a sunrise.

He isn’t sure if it’s his imagination or not when Taehyun murmurs, “I just want to be someone my mom can be proud of.”

**II.**

"Your high notes aren’t all that special.”

Seungyoon notices Taehyun twisting his mouth, blinking hard, and his own fist tightens, just a bit. He respects his boss as much as anyone else (though, maybe not as much as Seunghoon). They all needed to work harder. As a team, they all had to improve. But why did he have to be so blunt to the maknae?

Taehyun was more sensitive. Softer.

As soon as YG leaves, the five of them collapse on the bench, shaken by the harsh criticism. The threat, of never seeing the stage and going to the army instead, looms over them.

Taehyun breaks down, burying his face in his hands, his entire frame shaking as he wipes at his eyes. Seungyoon curls his hand around Taehyun’s arm, squeezing lightly, letting him know that he’s there for Taehyun. That he can be a shoulder to lean on. (Mino’s on his other side, rubbing his shoulder. And Seungyoon’s glad that he’s there for support too).

The tears don’t stop, and Seungyoon so badly wants to take Taehyun’s face in his hands and wipe the sadness, the pain, away. But he can’t.

He’s sure Taehyun’s already bothered enough with all the cameras trained on his face. It would only be more humiliating to be treated like a child on television.

Taehyun’s still very young (and Seungyoon is too). Everyone deserves to be cared for and dotted on every once and while, though. At least, that's what Seungyoon believes.

Instead, he waits until Taehyun’s calm, then takes him by the wrist and leads him to the rooftop. Once he stops, he looks down at Taehyun’s arm, dark ink a glaring contrast to pale skin.

“I’m sorry,” Taehyun says, taking an interest in the ants parading on the ground.

Seungyoon pays no attention to this. If he brings up the boss’ harsh words, he’s sure Taehyun would start crying again. Instead, he asks, “What does this mean?” He brings Taehyun’s arm up, looks at the tattoos. “Stay Gold?”

Taehyun blinks in surprise, opening and closing his mouth a few times before composing himself. “It’s a reminder.”

“A reminder?”

Taehyun nods and disentangles his arm from Seungyoon’s grip. He points to the the odd shape first, that seems to resemble a banana peel. “If I slip up…” His finger glides up the words on his inner wrist. “I need to stay strong. Need to keep going on, be a person my mom and brother can depend on.” His eyebrows droop further. “A person this team can depend on. A main vocal. Not just someone this team—” His voice cracks “—is using on loan.”

“You are strong,” Seungyoon says, and he really means it. He wants to reach out and touch Taehyun to reassure him. The younger opens his mouth to protest, but before he can, Seungyoon changes the subject. “What are they like? Your mom and brother?”

At this, Taehyun’s lips curl up. “They like you.” Seungyoon raises his eyebrows, eyes widening, and it must look comical, because Taehyun lets out a short laugh. “They’d always watch you on TV and fawn over you.” He looks down and rubs his neck, the tips of his ears pink. “My brother even started learning how to play the guitar because of you.”

Seungyoon chuckles at this. “Really now?” He’s surprised, but flattered.

“My mom,” Taehyun continues. “Would always tell me to be like you. To sing like you and perform like you.” He looks up. “I don’t think I’ll be like you, though. Not at this rate.”

“And you won’t be like me.” Seungyoon shakes his head, then quickly continues when he catches Taehyun’s expression. “I mean. I’m me, and you’re you. Right?” He teases the hem of his shirt. “We both have different strengths. There are so many things that you can do that I can’t. And it’d be pretty weird if two identical people were on one team right? You should have more confidence, Taehyun-ah. You’re really talented. Your voice is really…nice.” He stops, before it turns into an unintelligible ramble. He tends lose control of his tongue when it’s just him and Taehyun alone.

Taehyun’s smiling, bright and clear, and nods his head once. It’s an unspoken ‘thank you’. Seungyoon smiles back.

“When I told her I was on the same team as you, she was really excited. She said she wanted me to become close to you.”

“Now, _that_ we can do.”

**III.**

“Taehyun,” Seungyoon says, a hint of irritation in his voice. They’re standing on the roof of the dorm building. It’s the first time they’re back in Korea for more than a few days, with WinnerTV and BigBang’s dorm tour keeping them busy. Seungyoon is tired — they’re all tired — and he wants nothing more than to become one with his mattress. A text from Taehyun put his plans to the side, though. “Is this another one of those pranks?”

“No cameras,” Taehyun replies, shoulders hunched, and Seungyoon automatically feels bad for what he said. Taehyun’s chewing on his lower lip.

Seungyoon makes his way over to his younger friend, and they sit, cold concrete pressing up against them. He slides an arm around Taehyun’s shoulder, content when Taehyun doesn’t flinch away or stiffen.

He’s thankful for WinnerTV. He and Taehyun had always been close, but the show brought them closer (maybe too close, with the drama filming. Seungyoon’s cheeks color at the thought of how many times he had to rush in and pretend to kiss Taehyun).

“What’s wrong?”

Taehyun pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on them, taking in a shaky breath. His lips are puffy from worrying teeth and his eyes are red. Seungyoon really hates seeing him like this, hate seeing him upset, because it makes Seungyoon feel like crying too.

“It’s stupid.” He sniffles, and Seungyoon squeezes his shoulder. “It’s so stupid, but I feel trapped.” Pause. “Like I said on TV. But I really do feel caged this time. It’s so _stupid_.”

“It’s not stupid, Taehyun-ah.” Seungyoon looks down at his own shoes. He feels that way too, sometimes. When the pressure is too much.

“I can’t even handle what we’re doing now.” He folds further into himself. “What am I going to do when we actually debut?”

Seungyoon hums softly and pulls Taehyun closer, until he’s almost hugging the younger, and rubs slow circles into his back. “We’re doing a lot, Taehyunnie. It’s okay to feel like that.” He smiles and nudges Taehyun, encouraging the younger to look at him. He can’t help but feel a little cocky when he says, “Besides. How many rookies can say they’ve done as much as we have before debut?” (He’s so thankful there aren’t cameras around to catch him say that).

Taehyun sighs. “We’ll be doing even more, once we debut.”

“Then don’t bottle it all in. Talk to us, and actually take a break. Instead of staying up all night on your laptop editing things.” His eyes narrow. “Don’t think I don’t know.”

Taehyun huffs, but says nothing more.

“Besides, you don’t want to end up in one of those stupid neck braces like me.” Seungyoon groans at the memory. He brings one hand up to rub his neck, the painful sensation almost creeping back on him. With his solo promotions and the WIN battles, his body hadn't been able to keep up. He didn't want Taehyun to experience the same thing.

Taehyun snorts. “You really did look stupid.” (Seungyoon lets the insult slide, for now).

“Mm, and we can’t have our pretty maknae in something like that, now can we?” Seungyoon teases, leaning in, glad to see that Taehyun’s mood has lightened.

“Shut up.” There’s no anger in his words. Taehyun pushes at Seungyoon’s chest, but quickly shifts so he’s in Seungyoon’s space again, with an almost smug smile playing at his features. His shoulder and arm are pressed flush against Seungyoon. And he’s close enough for Seungyoon to easily press his lips to Taehyun’s temple.

Seungyoon allows himself to indulge, just for a moment. And he hopes Taehyun doesn’t mind.

**IV.**

It’s the day before debut. This is it. After years of training, a year of crazy obstacles, a year of getting closer to one another, of making music together, they were finally going to have a stage of their own.

Rather than frantically practicing, the boys are relaxing in the common living room. Even Jinwoo, who would normally be worrying over how he’d perform, is cheerfully talking to his mother on the phone. Mino and Seunghoon are occupied by a mobile game, occasionally screaming (or was it cheering?).

Seungyoon is the only one not to be seen.

Taehyun furrows his eyebrows and sets his phone aside. Their leader should be out with them. He slinks out of the living room, smiling when Jinwoo blinks curiously, reassuring the eldest that he’s fine. He chews on his lip, once in front of Seungyoon and Jinwoo’s shared room.

He slowly pushes the door open, undoubtedly finding Seungyoon laying on his bed, one arm over his face, the other holding his guitar.

“Seungyoon?” He says. There’s no response. Taehyun takes a playful tone up, and sits on the edge of the mattress. “Leader-nim~” He pokes at Seungyoon’s thigh.

Instead of drawing out Seungyoon’s ridiculous laugh or his charming smile, Taehyun’s met with glassy eyes when Seungyoon drags his arm down. He panics.

“Seungyoon? Seungyoon, what’s wrong?” His words are rushed. He’s never seen his friend, their smiling leader, in a state like this. No, the only time he had really cried was when they had won. And they had all been crying, together.

Seungyoon lets out a choked laugh, his voice lacking humor. “The nerves caught me by surprise.” He doesn't elaborate, but Taehyun knows what he means. He had said it in the interview. 

_Especially since this has been a long-awaited debut, and because a long wait means that we’ve been preparing for a long time...Just in case the results don’t meet the expectations...I worry about that a lot._

Taehyun bites his lip, and runs his hand over Seungyoon’s thigh. He’s not good at this; at comforting. He was always on the receiving end, and he hates himself for that. He’s just always been awkward with people, but he had hoped it would’ve melted away by now. After spending so much time with Winner, with Seungyoon. “We…We’re all nervous.”

Seungyoon nods slowly, and he smiles, eyes hooded, and Taehyun knows he understands. Seungyoon always understands what Taehyun means. He always knows.

“I know you’re probably out there having fun.” Seungyoon takes Taehyun’s hand between his own. “But would you mind staying here with me?”

Taehyun isn’t sure what good that would do. Seungyoon should probably get someone like Mino or Seunghoon to come cheer him up, to crack a dumb joke and make him laugh. But maybe, he rationalizes, he has the same effect Seungyoon has on him. These days, they’ve only needed each other’s presence to feel more at ease. (Is it conceited for Taehyun to think so? Is he the only one getting the benefits?)

“Please?” Seungyoon says, and Taehyun nods. He takes the guitar and sets it on the ground gently before squeezing onto the small space that was Seungyoon’s bed, his toes reaching beyond Seungyoon’s.

It’s funny how he’s larger than Seungyoon, yet Seungyoon makes him feel small. In a good way. Makes him feel cared for and loved.

Seungyoon’s eyes are closed, and Taehyun’s glad he doesn’t have to face the embarrassment of Seungyoon catching him stare. Taehyun gaze slides over his eyebrows, his eyelashes, his nose, his cheeks, his jaw. His lips.

(Had they always been so plush?)

Taehyun swallows. “Could you do me a favor?”

“Yeah?” Seungyoon opens his eyes. He looks exhausted. But Taehyun won’t be satisfied until this is done.

“Smile for me?” He flushes as soon as he says it. Because it’s such a childish request.

Instead of snickering, like Taehyun expected, Seungyoon smiles wide, his red lips stretching over white teeth. “You’re cute, Taehyunnie.”

Taehyun’s cheeks are burning. He hopes the darkness of Seungyoon’s room covers it up. He jokes, just in case. “Of course I am.”

“You really care about me.”

“Of course I do.”

And Taehyun doesn’t know what comes over him in that moment, what possesses him to do it, but he leans forward and brushes his lips against Seungyoon’s cheek.

It’s short and sweet, and Taehyun doesn’t even know if it could classified as a kiss. He wants to run far, far away, or at least bury his face in Seungyoon’s pillow, but tugging on his hand coaxes him to do neither.

Seungyoon looks like he wants to say something. Taehyun wants to say more, too. But he doesn’t. This isn’t the right moment. Not with such an important event tomorrow. They’re young. They’re only starting their careers.

They have all the time in the world to figure things out.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know the actual meaning behind Taehyun’s tattoo; I just assumed. But here are some actual quotes that go with some of the moments of the story:
> 
> -
> 
> Taehyun: Every time it got hard, I would think of my mom and family and hang on. I want to become a son my mom can be proud of.
> 
> -
> 
> YG: What’s your role in the team?
> 
> NTH: I’m the vocal.
> 
> YG: What kind of vocal? Assistant vocal?
> 
> NTH: I sing the high notes.
> 
> YG: High notes? Your high notes aren’t great. I don’t see any ambition from you. You look like you’re on loan from another team. If you’re the main vocal, you should have the capacity to sing any song.
> 
> -
> 
> Seungyoon: I wish he’d (Taehyun) take more responsibility. Have more confidence and pride in himself.
> 
> -
> 
> I can’t find the exact quotes now, but Taehyun’s mom and brother really do admire Seungyoon


End file.
